Dear Plus-size Designers.
We need to have a chat.
A looooong chat. About my inability to find plain shirts. Specifically, plain, button-down, long-sleeved shirts.
Fuck, just corporate wear in general that isn’t a fucking tunic, an off-the-shoulder, a low-cut, a crop-top, bell-sleeved, sleeveless, or horrifically patterned.
Really. Just a plain, white (or blue, grey, or black) button-down shirt. Hell, if you had a white shirt, I could probably deal with a thin-striped shirt, as long as it was a fucking button-down, long-sleeved shirt. Preferably cotton, or linen.
Tunics, I hate. Patterns, I hate. What I want: A. Plain. Button. Down. Shirt. In. Nine. Different. Colours. If I find a shirt that I like, that fits well, and is in more than one colour, I’ll buy five. I don’t care if you have a marled raspberry surprise colour… as long as you also have the basics: white, grey, blue, black, and red.
Is there something wrong with you? Do you not realise that this is a fucking staple of a corporate wardrobe, or any wardrobe for that matter?
Do a Google Image search for “white button down shirt” and you get a metric shit-tonne of hits- designer shirts through to cheap Walmart shirts.
Guess what? They’re all for skinny women. I have nothing against skinny women. One day, I will be one too and I will have all the white button down shirts I can fit in my closet. But until that day comes, I will have to put up with shit like this (and if you didn’t click on the link, it’s an image search for “women white button down shirt plus size”.. the results are disappointingly, er, skinny).
I think, maybe, I should chuck in my job and find a way to learn to draw, because I could open a plus-sized corporate wear store that includes wardrobe staples: a plain white button down shirt for starters.
Because you’re not fucking doing it, are you?
Yeah, I’m pissed off. Some of us want to go a little higher on the corporate ladder than others and we don’t want to do it in a shitty-patterned, sleeveless, and SHAPELESS tunic.
And guess what? Plus-size women have body shapes, too.
What, you think I’d let you off the hook for the REALLY shitty way you design clothes? I don’t have a box for a body; I have a fucking body that (believe it or not) is almost hourglass shaped. I’ve got a few more bumps there than the average hourglass, but I have wide shoulders, a more-tucked in waist, and I have hips. Just like other, skinnier women. Kudos to Torrid for giving us young and young-at-heart plus-sized girls a bit of variety with trendy stuff that’s somewhat fitted, but they’re not going nearly far enough. In fact, they’re a bit *too* fitted in some styles.
And the rest of you designer assholes need to shape up– I’m not old. You’re asking me, a thirty-something woman who wants to dress for corporate success to dress like a 70-year-old nanna with some of these clothes.
Yeah, fuck you.
So, let’s recap a few wardrobe basics:
- a white button down shirt. Fitted or not. I like a little bit of fit, but not too much.
- a little black dress that *isn’t* sleeveless. No, not a t-shirt dress, and not one that is asymmetrical. Fuck you.
- a blazer- navy blue or black. I’d also like some colour options here: grey, maybe a pretty chocolate brown.
- some basic t-shirts, long and short-sleeved, crew and V-neck in plain colours. Again, patterns are alright, if you also give us the option of having some plain colours in there. Not all of us like patterned shit.
- a few nice pencil skirts, and some pants in various cuts (wide-leg, skinny, straight, etc) in plain colours– and preferably plain colours.
Most other wardrobe staples are one-sized: handbags, sunnies, shoes, make-up, so don’t waste your time there.
But give us plus-sized girls the basics. Don’t funk it up. Don’t ruffle it up. Don’t make it shapeless. You’re doing us a disservice.
Now, get to work on my shirt.
A pissed-off fat woman.